1. The Jihad Squad - Coach Kubas reportedly gave Coach Agre 32 fjs to get Roddy White at a discount. When asked why he gave 32 fjs and not one or two, Coach Kubas said:
"One for every day in October."
"But there are 31 days in October?"
"Well... one freebee because I like the twinkle in his eye."
Sometimes you have to give a lot of fjs to get to the top, and that is exactly where Coach Kubas and The Jihad Squad find themselves. Perhaps other teams will capitalize on Coach Agre's foot fetish, but that tap may have run dry, Coach Kubas just knows how to jump feet first into fresh opportunities.
2. The StepChildren - Brady + Moss and other solid starters. 'nuff said.
3. Serenity Now - The worst team chemistry in the league. An anonymous source indicated that many players on Serenity Now are doing well early on in matchups to show that they're worthy of a big contract in free agency, but then tank at the end to make Serenity Now lose. An anonymous interview with a player from Serenity Now is quite revealing:
Reporter: Why are you purposely losing matchups?
Player: Because we don't respect Coach.
Reporter: Why don't you respect Coach?
Player: He can't actually play football.
Reporter: How do you know that?
Player: Because he's Asian... short + squinty eyes... it just doesn't add up.
If the coach of Serenity Now really wants to win back his team, he'll need to combat the apparent racism holding his team back from loving him. Perhaps he could trade for Hines Ward to demonstrate to his team that at the very least, half Asians can be good at football.
4. 2009 -Reggie and Peyton are the King and Queen of FF, and they will assert their dominance for all eternity... or at least for the rest of the season. Sadly, SD assistants forgot L.T.'s Reader's Digest, prune juice, and snuggie prior to the KC game, explaining the underwhelming peformance. L.T. is also waiting on his Social Security check so he can buy his Lawrence Welk DVDs to"get pumped" before games. Once LT gets that Social Security check, 2009 should climb in the rankings.
5. The Winners -Travis Henry apparently doesn't want a vasectomy and has cursed this team. Difficult to say when this curse will finally be lifted. With two one-point losses already, this team has a legitimate shot at having the most total points and missing the playoffs.
6. La Bamba - Seeing that Rodgers will throw nine INTs against the Vikes this week; this team is heading for a .500 record. Burner will lead this team to the playoffs though.
7. Asian Persuasion - Could go far if Forte comes around. That may never happen.
8. Joe Henke V2.0 - Team chemistry has been down lately. According to Larry Fitzgerald, star WR for Joe Henke V2.0:
"We haven't even seen Coach Anderson in weeks... I think he's always working on power rankings or something."
"False. Coach doesn't bother with power rankings anymore," Matt Ryan refuted, "I think he just spends his time jerking it... if you know what I mean."
Whether or not Coach Anderson really spends all his time "jerking it" remains to be seen. Regardless, until Coach Anderson shows up to practice or starts making power rankings again, Joe Henke V2.0 will continue to plummet.
9. The Prodigal Son -Tied for first with one of the lowest point totals in the league, it appears The Prodigal Son are as lucky as they are prodigal. Perhaps they could be a little less lavish and spare some luck for the less fortunate. Hard to see this team continuing its winning ways with the current RB situation, but Miles "I can run routes better than Roy" Austin could send this team into the playoffs as the first or second seed.
10. Get in the Van - If Carson can throw four or more TDs every week, then this team is solid, unfortunately, that is not going to happen. Brandon Jacobs is reportedly under investigation for eating several small children, so his inevitable suspension will further damage an already questionable RB core after Steve Slaton.
11. Doink the Clown -Jackson may find the endzone this week, but it is St. Louis, so probably not.
12. Frank Costanza - This collection of mediocre players love their coach and Frank Costanza, so at least they have that going for them.
